The kid likes me and the Permanent Roommate. I’m basing that statement purely on the way he reacts when we greet him in the crib in the morning, the way he lights up when one of us comes home and how he crawls into our laps when he is feeling tired. He’ll probably love us for the rest of our lives but that’s totally dependent on how good we are at this parenting gig. I’d grade us at least a B+ thus far.
All his actions and reactions are enough to prove he is a fan.Judging from the clothing options in baby stores, the manufacturers of most of these garments thinks A) parents need constant reminders their young child is fond of them and B) parents need to let the world know that their kid loves them. I’m sure there are some parents in the world that need constant reminding and reinforcement that their young child has fond feelings towards them. This has to be the main thought between shirts like “I Dig Mommy” (complete with a giant backhoe) “Daddy is my hero” and “Mommy and Daddy make me happier than a dump and a nap.” I made that last shirt up but it wouldn’t shock me if it did exist. If it does I’d also like to order one in a men’s medium.
I’m going to be honest and admit that my kid has a couple of these shirts. Browse the website and you’ll see him in a few. I didn’t buy them. They were gifts. The gift givers either thought them adorable or that me and the Permanent Roommate would need daily affirmations that my kid is indeed my “all-star” or whatever makes sense on shirt with baseballs. He wears them because he goes through clothes like a drunk with bladder problem so eventually the options run low on clean clothing. Plus it makes it harder to yell at him while he is wearing these statement shirts. “STOP PULLING THAT DAMN CORD OUT OF THE WALL…Awww (looks at shirt)…I think you’re un-bee-lievable too little guy! Come here so I can make fart noises on your belly.”
Perhaps there are so many shitty parents on the planet that we should celebrate the fact that there are parents doing a solid job at raising good kids. If that’s the case how about the shirts just give a gentle pat on the back instead of a proverbial rubbing of the genitals with a job well done.
Here are some suggestions:
“Dad pays about as much attention to me as I could hope for.”
“I love my mommy for doing the best she can.”
“I adore my big sister the guinea pig”
“I Heart Grandma (no matter what mommy says about her)”
“Grandpa is my pal until I piss him off”
I’ve got some greeting card ideas as well. Waiting on your call Hallmark.