Message With A Bottle

Kids love repetition. This is coming from the guy/child that watched National Lampoon’s Vacation twice a day, every day, for an entire summer back in 1987. Wally World dad.

The problem with repetition, especially in the world of children’s literature, is that most of it is a nicely bound pile of baby turds. Sorry to those authors of baby turds. Wipe your tears with your next book advance check.

The kid has decent taste in books. Sure, he sometimes likes to hear dad and the Permanent Roommate read aloud vomit like A Fish Out of Water from the Dr. Seuss money machine (couldn’t think of good Seuss-like rhyme for vomit so I had to settle) but he can be swayed to listen to a few that his parents actually don’t mind reading ad nauseum.

Here are five books I recommend for the book shelf.

Flotsam — I hated Flotsam at first, because it doesn’t have words, but I grew to love it because…well…it doesn’t have words. It’s hard to get sick of making up your own story, especially when you can skip over whole sections by just saying things like “kid leaves” and “then that happened.”

Chowder — It’s about a bulldog that ruins a kickball game. I’ve said too much already.

No, David! — The entire book has about thirty words, most being…you guessed it. Replace the name David with your kid’s name and you’ll think it’s an autobiography.

Dinosaurs Love Underpants — It’s absurd, hilarious and every time we hit a certain part the kid points to a pair of drawers and says “too pinchy” and it cracks me up every time.

I’m a Shark — Funnier than any show on NBC right now. Except maybe Dateline.

Got a book you think I’d enjoy reading to the kid? Drop me a line messagewithabottle [@] gmail.com or leave it in the comments. If you’re an adult, check out my new book. It’s not for kids.